walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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