My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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