just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize