I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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