Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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