Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
