so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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