Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
