the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
