What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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