Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am puke
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
