We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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