this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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