it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
