Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
