I can't watch pbs sober anymore
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
