I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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