dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
