also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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