True but thats because hes a fetus.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
