so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
