Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
