we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
