Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
