she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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