Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
