i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize