hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
