girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
