I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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