Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
