your parents love me but you hate me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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