My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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