I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
