if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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