when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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