i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
