so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
