Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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