It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just tell him i said nine months
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You need Xanax blowdarts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
