Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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