You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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