Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
