how can u be prego again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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