New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i dont even know how to be here
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
