i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
