Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
