my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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