dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
