after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
