The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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