I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
