your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
