I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
