i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
