So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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