2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Semen is not good for contacts.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
