In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
