why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize