We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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