I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
