Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
