nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize