it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
