Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
