let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
