I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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