and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
